33

My Greatest Fear

 

                                       Photo credit @cristian_newman

My Greatest Fear

It always boils down to  Fear of Dying – always.

“Careful – you attract those things that command your focus.”

It’s a warning we hear over and over again. ‘Don’t give in to fear’. ‘ Focus on what you want.’

Hours are spent goal setting, listening to, repeating and writing down positive affirmations.

Meditating.

Watching webinars on

– How to win at life.

– Multiply your output/income 5x by doing these 3 simple things.

-Learn how to crate a life beyond your wildest imagination. – Setting plans up and writing the accompanying to-do lists. Still the feeling in the pit of my stomach remains

It’s the thoughts I push down when I’m trying to sleep. The self talk when I’m awake at 3am when the demons come to feed.

I don’t want to focus on this shit!!!!! I’m sabotaging myself !

Get out of my head.’

Why is Fear there? What purpose does it serve? Why do I say it always come down to dying? What would a fearless life look like?

Then it happens – I find myself with no money in the bank. Betrayed by a business partner. Terrified about the feasibility of my business, providing for myself.

Did I create this reality because it was sitting in my unconscious?

The Purpose of Fear

As a primitive emotion, fear is ultimately about survival. It’s good to fear sabre tooth tigers or enemies with weapons. It’s good to fear extreme climate conditions or starvation.

Understanding that these things can kill you. Providing sanctuary from them is a very good thing.

How the evolution of the brain has complicated our fear responses.

As our lives have developed and become more complicated, so too has our relationship with Fear.

Our brains have more than tripled in size over the millions of years. Complex brains for a complex world.

We can store and process information in split seconds, including negative experiences, influences and expectations.

Solve problems and create abstract ideas and images.

Brilliant when we are creating our perfect life and in a great mindset.

Unfortunately, a combination of past experiences, limiting beliefs and an ability to create abstract images leads to some fantastically dark places.

Fear can grow and paralyse any one of us, at any time. Anxiety – increasing in all demographics in our society – is no more or less than fear of the future.

There are 3 categories our fears fall into

Fear of being unlovable or excluded.
Fear of being unworthy or undeserving.
Fear of being unsafe – financial insecurity sits right here.

 

                                      Photo credit @tinamosquito

Unlovable – one of the most basic human needs is for connection and belonging. Touch increases our Oxytocin levels increasing happiness and decreasing stress. Studies of babies in orphanages show that even with adequate food and shelter – without touch, they ‘fail to thrive’ – growth delay, emotional misery and death.

A lack of connection/ feeling unloved can lead to death.

No wonder we adopt compensating mechanisms; people pleasing, rescuer, martyr in order to gain the attention we desire.

We want to LIVE

                                            Photo credit @miteneva

Unworthy – undeserving, lacking in significance. It’s the people at the top of the ladder that get the prize resources. The more insignificant we are, the less we get. If we are completely undeserving, we get nothing. Then we die.

Fear that we are undeserving means we feel the need to fight and compete for every morsel. Everything is a competition. It’s all win/lose and I am not going to lose.

I want to LIVE.

 
 

Photo credit @jontyson

Unsafe – the most basic of all our needs. Feeling physically secure. Knowing we can fend for ourselves, or that we have someone who can support us.

Fear of being unsafe leads to staying in bad relationships, playing it safe, putting up with bad working conditions. Being prepared to be a victim of hostile circumstances rather than risk the unknown.

We want to LIVE.

Our unconscious tries to protect us from unlovable, unworthy and unsafe by creating compensatory behaviours. It believes these states will ultimately lead to death.

So why when we are doing everything to avoid our fears, do our greatest fears so often materialise?

The Purpose of Fear Manifestation

                                   Photo credit @fairytalephotography

Gregg Braden, in his book, The Divine Matrix, talks about the Dark Night of the Soul.

Sitting in our fears, allowing them to control our lives, prevents us from living out our dreams.

Fears keep us small and stop us from evolving.

Often, we feel the call to something more and sabotage ourselves in order to stay safe.

There are ways to eliminate fear. I talk about this below.

Eventually, if we hang on to our fears and continue to let them stop us, we manifest situations where we meet them head on – the Dark Night of our Soul.

We have no choice other than face them, challenge them, fight battles with strength and resources we didn’t know we had.

We can move on without fear and live a more fulfilling life.

This has happened to me twice now. Why twice?
Well, I let fear back in.

My first Dark Night was when my 30 year marriage ended. I found myself without connection, feeling worthless and with no idea how I would survive on my own.

The second time, I had plans for the future, and direction. Then got cold feet about going alone and went into business with someone.

I ignored many signs that things weren’t right because fear and false logic overrode intuition and commonsense.

Then they emptied my bank account.

At this time, I had a beautiful new partner in my life and I was terrified that my financial situation would end that relationship.

I was fearful about losing love and connection; being undeserving of more; and not surviving on my own.

Each time, I have overcome the fears and prospered.

A Fearless Life

                                         photo credit @sammieeev

How do we live without fear?

How do we conquer the fears that keep us small?

The first step is acknowledging they exist.

For years, I dressed up my people pleasing and rescuing as being the best wife, mother, business owner, friend I could be.

I see that all now as creating need in others so that I had a role to play in their lives. So that I belonged and had connection. I would be loved – or so I believed.

The reality is that because I always put my hand up to jump in and ‘do’, it became expected. It didn’t make me more loveable. I was loveable because I was me.

I was terrified that because I wasn’t as good as everyone else, the riches and gifts others had would be denied me. This fear expressed itself as judgement, sarcasm and criticism of everyone else’s lives.

I really doubted my ability to create a life that would support me based on my dreams and ability. So I played small and pretended I didn’t have any dreams outside of watching everyone else achieve theirs.

The second step is removing the limiting beliefs we have about ourselves. Then the negative influences and expectations of others that we claim as our own. Our unconscious mind hangs on to these and they create the filters that determine our behaviour. Change these and the world changes.

Learn how to eliminate these and live life on our terms. Now, without fear around, it’s time to take the third step.

Meditate, listen to your heart, speak your dreams, talk to people who are aspiring to live a fearless life.

Dream big. Make the lists. Then do it.

Cat Valentine is a keynote speaker, coach and trainer, with experience in NLP, Matrix Therapies and IWAM techniques. Cat also has a Bachelor of Science, a degree in Visual Art and a Master of Business Administration.

She states, “My purpose is to share what I know and learn to facilitate profound change for people wanting to move on from emotional trauma and pain.”

Cat offers private coaching, group coaching and training workshops for those wishing to learn coaching techniques.

REFERENCES

http://humanorigins.si.edu

http://theconversation.com

Gregg Braden – The Divine Matrix: bridging Time, Space, Miracles and Belief. Hay House Inc, USA, 2007.

Comments 33

  1. What’s up to all, as I am truly eager of reading this blog’s post to be updated on a regular basis. It includes fastidious information. texri.infoforwomen.be/map20.php stora trГ¤d inomhus

  2. Hello! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I really enjoy reading your posts. Britni Portie Darin

  3. Index Search Villas and lofts rented, search by region, find in minutes a villa rented by city, various rooms lofts and villas. Elle Gage Leonsis

  4. Because the admin of this web page is working, no doubt very rapidly it will be well-known, due to its feature contents. Frankie Luca Enyedy

  5. I was examining some of your posts on this website and I think this web site is rattling instructive! Retain putting up. Elsbeth Dav Benildis

  6. Wow! In the end I got a web site from where I be able to really get useful facts concerning my study and knowledge. Tamarra Rollie Dobrinsky

  7. Hi, I want to subscribe for this website to obtain latest updates, so where can i do it please help out. Virginia Rafi Morena

  8. I was looking through some of your content on this website and I conceive this internet site is real instructive! Keep on putting up. Portia Cori Lindley

  9. The coronavirus pandemic has studied universities to change-over to distance learning. college essay editing service reviews macbeth thesis statement community service essay conclusion.
    But what is happening today can be named an emergency delivery of content to audience members in isolation . Most of colleges and the professors themselves were not ready for the transition to online. According to a 2019 HSE study, University professors with an academic degree rate their level of proficiency in remote technologies at 3.2 points out of five. One in four people has never used remote video services get in webinars or video conferences in the past three years.
    But educators are not required to own online studying technologies. They were simply not prepared for this, although education and its modern methods are the main function of schools. Try to oblige the surgeon to do their work from home. Let him explain to the patient via Skype how to remove his appendicitis. It sounds absurd. Thus, the resourcefulness with which teachers adapt to the remote format is commendable.

    In some cases it gets funny. Colleagues from regional academies said that some teachers asked to write abstracts by hand and send them scans for according.Today, people communicate remotely in real time thanks to digital technologies, students can “raise their hands” with only one button, they can write with a finger on a tablet as on a blackboard, and they are told: “Please write a handwritten abstract and send the scan.” Or, for example, this case: a physical education educator asked students to shoot five-minute videos where they make physical exercises. In spite of the fact that remote physical excercises can be more creative, for example, you can select of ready-made videos on YouTube, find checklists in the popular domain, and teach them to play sports online, while you can’t go outside anywhere.

    University teachers are faced with a lack of guidance and problems in dealing with organizational matters. Someone conduct lectures on Skype, some of them -in Zoom, someone only sends tasks to WhatsApp. Some professors record lectures on a webcam and send them to their students. The quality of such materials is insufficient, and it is hard to perceive them. At least because the videos on YouTube, which students are used to, is shot and edited professionally and the viewer is spoiled by the quality of video materials.
    There are also difficulties with monitoring attendance. Some professors ask you to put a ” + ” in the chat, others ask you to turn on Webcams and take screenshots of students. Against the background of all the misunderstandings and problems, one element of academic life remains unchanged – assessment. Students don’t study on campus, but they will get grades, even formal ones.
    creating a thesis
    Learning online from home does not have these disadvantages, because it is based on a carefully designed learning process in an electronic information and educational environment. Professors have instructions, manuals, memos,checklists, templates for emails and notifications, and even presentations. Everything is thought out here-from the screen saver before the lesson to the slide with homework.

  10. Nice to see you..
    Our Corporation in Auburndale more pet years, during this period we working only female employees , on Cleaning and cleaning and Housemaid. Maid service at home will maintain cleanliness and order in everywhere in the house by generally established contract . In our headquarters in oll professional Housekeeping maid , ready to take on Office cleaning of any complexity and do it fast and good. When it comes to about a huge hotel complex, our employees we will provide to the customer required composition State. For you we offer not only experienced team , at the same time very affordable prices for maid rental service в Turtle Bay. With the purpose of place an order for Grass mowing and Housemaid advise you personally go to site in Cypress Hills. The Put away Cleaning after repair с Housekeeping maid service usually more economical in Clinton

    We give professional new york city cleaning company for exclusive clients. Making use of European devices as well as licensed tools, we attain optimal results and also supply cleaning quickly.

    Our pleasant group offers you to obtain accustomed with positive terms of participation for company clients. We properly approach our tasks, tidy using specialist cleansing products and also customized equipment. Our employees are trained, have medical books as well as know with the nuances of eliminating complex as well as hard-to-remove dirt from surface areas.

  11. Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you writing this write-up and also the rest of the site is also really good. Virgie Desmund Amelita

  12. Female bettas will be the exception. With the condition that you have a large enough tank, you will get groups of 3-7 females together. Sibby Kennie Marleah

  13. The expressed views fall in accordance with my own pretty well without exception. This constitutes very good reading material for the visitors. Philippa Fredric Yonatan

  14. Asking questions are actually pleasant thing if you are not understanding something completely, except this article offers nice understanding even. Rena Gregorius Lenka

  15. Today, while I was at work, my sister stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share it with someone! Noelle Hubie Tollman

  16. I have read a few just right stuff here. Certainly price bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how so much attempt you put to make this sort of magnificent informative site. Benoite Maury Loraine

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *